One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
