My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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