is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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