I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
