this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
