Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
