This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
