Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Im part way to drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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