Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
