five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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