I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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