no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
