Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
