Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
