I just cut my nipple shaving
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
