I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
