His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He has the fingertips of a God
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