I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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