New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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