So drunk its hurt
Porn is love you can see.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
