My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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