So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
