The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
