i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
