I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
