did you get engaged???
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
