her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
