i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
