We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
