I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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