you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
