he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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