you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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