More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
