why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
