Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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