I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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