I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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