He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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