True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
