just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
