I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
