i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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