Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
