my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
