got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
