There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
