why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
