Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
