do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
