I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize