this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
