So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
