you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
