Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
