New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she told me i tasted like america
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
