if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
