youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
