two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
