the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
