i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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