took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my shit smells like andre
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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