Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
