I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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