Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
