Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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