i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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