ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
