So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
