For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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