from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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