i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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