you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
