So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
