To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
