My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
