I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
