I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
