Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
