i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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