Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
