what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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