no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
