I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
