"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
