As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
