i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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