You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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