Sacagawea was the original milf.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize