a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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