Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
