She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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