The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize