You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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