U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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