I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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