So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize