So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
