I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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