Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
