im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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