I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
