I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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