I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
