Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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