how hairy? two words: wookie tits
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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