My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
