once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
