You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize