Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I did not marry a roomba.
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